Peer to Peer Magazine

42 PEER TO PEER: THE QUARTERLY MAGAZINE OF ILTA | WINTER 2016 FEATURES What's Your Emotional IQ? Self-Management Self-management builds on self-awareness. It is what happens when you act –– or do not act. It is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively. The goal is to learn how to read your emotions and then appropriately respond to them. It's all about managing your emotional reactions to situations and people. A high level of self-management ensures you aren't hindering your own success. You don't want to be a victim of emotional hijackings. Whether you know it or not, your emotions will try to control you. When they do, you'll move through your day reacting to your feelings with little choice on what you say and do. Self-management is more than resisting explosive or problematic behavior, and it's not about being nice all the time. It's about managing your emotions, depending on the situation and the people around you. There are several things you can do every day to keep your emotions at bay. Most of us know when we are feeling out of sorts. For me, I know it's important to get good sleep and regular exercise. Here are tips to improve your self-management skills: » Breathe Right: Most of us breathe shallow breaths, which doesn't give your body (particularly your brain) the oxygen it needs to keep you alert, focused and calm. Beer breathing can help you overcome poor concentration, forgetfulness, mood swings, restlessness, anxious thoughts and an overall lack of energy. » Sleep on It: I do this oen –– usually when not face-to-face with my antagonist but instead engaged in an email exchange. If time permits, I don't respond and just let it go until morning when I can cra a calmer, more positive response. » Lighten Up: It lis your mood to smile and laugh, so put on a happy face! You can also call this "fake it until you make it." People who manage relationships well see the benefit of connecting with many people, including those they might not be fond of. Social Awareness Social awareness is the ability to pick up on emotions in others, perceiving what they are feeling, even if you do not feel the same. Listening and observing are the most important elements of social awareness. The goal is to stay focused and absorb critical information. Instead of looking inward to learn about and understand yourself, social awareness is looking outward to learn about and appreciate others. To do this, the lens you are looking through must be clear. Give others your full aention; your emotions can help you notice and interpret cues other people send you. Here are tips to improve your social awareness skills: » Get Out of Your Head: Stop talking, stop the monolog running through your head, stop anticipating the point the other person is about to make and stop thinking ahead to what you might say next. » Live in the Moment: Be where you are and in the now. It is impossible to focus on the present while the future and past loom. When you are in a meeting, be in the meeting; if you are at the gym, be at the gym. Make it a habit to be present so you really see and experience the people around you. » Watch for EIQs on TV and in Movies: Television shows and movies are great places to build on your social awareness skills. Characters are scripted to do outrageous and obvious things, so observe the emotions on-screen. Relationship Management Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. People who manage relationships well see the benefit of connecting with many people, including those they might not be fond of. Think about it, the weaker the connection with someone, the harder it is to get your point across. The difference between an interaction and a relationship is a maer of frequency. It's the quality, depth and time you spend interacting with another

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