Peer to Peer Magazine

62 B Y D A W N H U D G I N S F eedback. We all need it. We've all given it, and few deliver it with grace and success without practice, guidance, and empathy. I once heard, and live by, "I have never learned anything from any man who ever agreed with me." A quote taken from Dudley Malone (an attorney, actor, and politician of the 20's in NYC.) These words for me have been a career and life guide. I don't claim to know it all, nor do I claim to think there is only one way to do what I am doing, therefore feedback for me is something I rely on, regularly. There is a difference between feedback and effective feedback. Feedback, to be effective, has to come from a source of trust, must be timely, needs to be clear, it needs to show you are invested, and doesn't take place in a monolog. You can have feedback as a monolog, but luck be with you, as it may not be effective and certainly shouldn't be your standard mode of practice. A few years ago, I had the great opportunity to be part of a 13-year study on emotional intelligence. I learned a lot during that time, and it changed my perspective on life, the value of others, and how to effectively communicate. This does NOT mean I do it all the time, I'm human, I can be grumpy, and sometimes I am tired. Aside from my humanness, the tools this experience left me with are valuable. So, let's take a look, shall we? I remember well sitting in a Swedish education center, jet lagged, over dosed on coffee, and thinking, please don't make me read another book, please don't show me another video, I just want to go back to my room and sleep. Low and behold, the lights dimmed, and it was another clip. National Geographic photographer Dewitt Jones, delivering his famous, "What's Right with the World". It woke me up. How we view the world and our attitude towards it, dictates what we get out of it. People are no different. If I value you and know that you have talents that you bring to the game and know that your intention comes from a good place, dialog on development becomes easier. Sometimes it's hard to remember that. I used to have a boss that said, often, "you just have to remember that no one came to work today, to intentionally piss you off." Things happen, we make decisions based on a variety of circumstances, and often these circumstances aren't obvious to all of us, and that leads us to feedback. Start with a question - requesting the big picture. "Tell me the situation, from your perspective." ACTIVELY LISTEN, which means, you are listening to understand, not listening to respond. Take notes, even if only mental notes, and ask questions. Try to see it from their perspective. Once you have done this, you have a better understanding. This is why I typically use the SBI model; Situation, Dawn Hudgins VP, Events & Conferences ILTA I can't hear what you are saying when I am not listening. Feedback, to be effective, has to come from a source of trust, must be timely, needs to be clear, it needs to show you are invested, and doesn't take place in a monolog.

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